Attack of the Muse and a Few Others!
by AngelofMusikReturns
Summary: I was in a WEIRD mood...don't act...be open minded...and laugh...COMPLETED
1. Attack Part 1

Hey! This is my first attempt at something silly, I hope its not too stupid. I own the entire idea, me, and my cat. Other than that, well, they kinda own themselves, don't they? Though ALW and a few others own the copyrights, and some lyrics.  
  
ATTACK OF THE MUSE AND A FEW OTHERS  
  
Writes, "I, Kat, beautiful authoress, am sitting here. Five minutes after midnight, with nothing to write about. I am in the mood for writing. I have time to write. My muse has disappeared. Woe is me. There is nothing for me to write about. I sit in the darkness, in the night, the primetime of my inspiration, and yet nothing comes to mind."  
  
Kat sits and thinks. Times goes by. Kat looks around, checks her nails, runs her fingers through her blonde hair. Finally.  
  
"Aha! Yes! An idea! I will put the play of the Phantom of the Opera insert sigh with them all obeying me!"  
  
Hurriedly she types, then suddenly stops short.  
  
"Damn! Dee already used that idea."  
  
Kat dejectedly sits back in her chair and blows her bangs out of her eyes.  
  
Excuse me.  
  
"Ahhhh! Who the hell are you?" Kat whirls around, searching for the owner of the voice.  
  
Ahem. I am your muse.  
  
"You are?" Kat asks doubtfully. "I didn't think muses could talk."  
  
But indeed we can. Where do you think you get your amazing phrases? Your stunning vocabulary? Your superb-  
  
Kat interrupts, "I think I get it. Actually, I thought I was just making it up by myself."  
  
Nope. It's me, talking to you. You conceited little girl, to think YOU thought up your stories. Ha! Nowadays, you humans have no respect for decent muses. Why, in the olden days, way back to my great great great great-  
  
"Enough! You're driving me crazy!"  
  
What makes you think you aren't already? You're talking to a voice inside your head. snicker  
  
Kat looks a bit worried. "But I thought you said that you spoke to me."  
  
Yeah. I speak to you. You're not supposed to talk back. Its high unusual. In fact, I would say impossible.  
  
"Great. So, I am talking to my muse. I am not supposed to be talking to you. No, you know what?" Kat tries to laugh. "You are the result of too many frappes and not enough sleep! Ha! My muse!" Talking to herself, "God, Kat I think a bedtime is in order. Not so much cheese at night. And no more caffeine."  
  
Excuse me.  
  
Annoyed, Kat says, "Oh, go away, little voice in my head!"  
  
Sounds miffed Pardon me, mademoiselle.  
  
"Since when do you speak fren-" Kat turns white. "Oh my God I know that voice."  
  
I don't suppose your name is Christine.  
  
Kat gulps. "Pha-pha-phan-" She stutters.  
  
Yes, the voice replied icily. The Phantom. Would you be so kind as to answer my question so I can be on my way? And my name is ERIK, not pha-pha- phan, or phantom.  
  
"So sorry." Kat manages to say.  
  
Silence  
  
Well?  
  
"Ahhhhh!"  
  
God, girl, stop that infernal racket!  
  
"Oh my God! The Phantom of the Opera is inside my head! My head! Talking to me! Oh my God!" Kat begins hysterically jumping around the room.  
  
Oh for pity- I'm leaving.  
  
Kat snaps out of her. victory dance. "Wait! No! You can't leave me! I have waited years, years for you! You can't leave now! I haven't even sung for you yet!"  
  
Shudder Please, just answer the question. Is your name Christine, or to be more exact, Christine Daae?  
  
Sadly, Kat shakes her head, then realizes he can't see her. "N-" Kat pauses, then smiles evilly. "Yes, my name is Christine Daae."  
  
Pauses, then asks suspiciously Are you sure?  
  
Kat rolls her eyes, getting into character. "Would I say it was if I wasn't sure?"  
  
Yes.  
  
"Well I'm not."  
  
You're not Christine?  
  
"No! I'm not lying. My name is Christine Daae."  
  
No! You don't sound like her. Your voice is younger. How dare you lie to me, the Phantom, the Ghost, the Angel of Death?!  
  
Hurt Kat protests, "Hey, I wasn't lying! My full name is Kathryn Christine Daae Nelsen. Honest," she adds.  
  
Well, you're not the girl I was looking for.  
  
Kat looks as though she has been slapped. "Oh." Under her breath she mutters, "I wish I was."  
  
Pardon?  
  
Blushing, Kat responds, "Nothing."  
  
Well, I must go now. Wait, one more thing. Are you Kat?  
  
Kat's eyes grow big. "You have heard of me?"  
  
Laughs I keep track of some of my more. adamant admirers. Lets just say you have been very prominent. Thank you for your stories, they are a refreshing contrast to most, though I must say Meg is a bit too talkative for me.  
  
"Thank you!" Kat giggles.  
  
I have heard you sing, too. Keep up the good work, maybe I will talk to you sometime soon. Or rather, sing.  
  
Kat doesn't respond to this, as she is too busy on the floor. Swooning. After a few minutes, she recovers and pulls herself to the chair. 


	2. Attack Part 2

Are you alright?  
  
"Erik?" Kat asks eagerly.  
  
No, it's your muse. God, child. I leave you one minute, and the next you are on the floor.  
  
Kat sighs. "Oh, you again."  
  
Indignantly Hey! Where would you be right now without me?  
  
Kat thinks. "I won't answer that."  
  
Whatever.  
  
"Hey, muse. Can I call you muse?"  
  
Snorts Sure, sure.  
  
"If you really are my muse, then why can't I think of anything to write? If you are as you good as you say you are, shouldn't I be brimming with ideas right about now?"  
  
Hmmph! The very idea of you blaming me for writer's block! Besides, I won't help you while I am mad at you!  
  
Kat looks at the clock, which reads 12:47 AM. "Right. Ok, muse, I am sorry. I won't take you for granted again. Now, will you help me?"  
  
Very well. What do you want to write about?  
  
"I thought that was for you to make up? All I do is write, remember?"  
  
Fine, leave me to do all the work.  
  
Kat sighs.  
  
I will be back in a moment with an idea.  
  
"Wait, where are you going?" Kat asks.  
  
To meditate.  
  
Kat sits and plays with her hair. She picks up her Andrew Lloyd Webber: His Greatest Hits book and leafs through it. Suddenly she hears a cat, crying.  
  
MEOOOOOOOW!  
  
"Sara?" Kat calls. No pun intended "Here kitty kitty. Sarie, come here baby!"  
  
MEOOOOOOOW!  
  
Kat covers her ears. "No! No, out evil spirits!"  
  
Ah, heyyyyy babe. A furry voice hisses in her head  
  
"Oh Lord, who are you?" Kat cringes at the sensual tone.  
  
Rum Tum Tugger, sexiest Jellicle Cat around. At your disposal, my lovely little bowl of cream.  
  
Shivering, Kat replies, "Oh, that's. nice." Says to herself, "Oh God I am not having a cat hit on me!"  
  
Not just a cat, you sweet sardine you. Every female feline under the Heavyside Layer would give her luscious coat to be with me.  
  
"Right, well, I am kinda taken. So sorry! I think you better go now."  
  
Sounds disgusted Oh, you unappreciative humans.  
  
Before Kat can catch her breathe, a girl's voice begins to sing.  
  
Ooooooh don't cry for me, Argentina! Anyone seen Peron?  
  
Kat tilts her head, then says, "Evita, right?"  
  
Yuppers. Have you seen Peron?  
  
Kat moans, putting her head in her hands.  
  
Iiiiii don't know how to looooooove him.  
  
Kat lifts her head quickly as Evita exclaims:  
  
Mary! Still singing the same song, I see.  
  
Yeah, when it comes to love, I'm clueless!  
  
Kat bangs her head against the computer screen. "No more, no more, please!"  
  
I'm back, my delectable tin of tuna!  
  
"Oh, great." Kat grabs a pillow and shoves her head into it.  
  
Whose is that voice? Who is that in there?  
  
"Funny, I was asking myself the same ques. Raoul?" Kat asks, trying to hold back her panic.  
  
Have any of you lovely ladies seen a young soprano wandering about? I was sure she had-  
  
Raoul, oh Raoul!  
  
Christine, my angel! We'll be safe in here! 


	3. Attack Part 3

Kat sits limply on the computer chair, listening with a mix of horror and curiosity.  
  
Peron, oh Perooooon.  
  
Can anyone teach me how to loooooove him.  
  
Hey, I can teach a course of love in three, puuuurfect steps, my little lump of catnip.  
  
There she is! The little fake! I shall send in my letter of resign.  
  
Kat gasped as the piercing voice threatened to bust her ear drums. "Keep it down in there, will you?"  
  
Carlotta, we beseech you- Two mens voices appeared.   
  
Its useless trying to appease meeeeeee.  
  
"Carlotta and the managers? Raoul and Christine? Evita, Mary, and a crazed, lovesick cat? What next?" Kat asked herself.  
  
He's here, the Phantom of the Opera! Beware, the Phantom of the Opera! He is with us, it's the ghost! He is with us, in the host!  
  
Kat cringes as Meg, Madame Giry, Piangi, Buquet, and the entire ballet and choral company echoes in her head. Clutching it, she tries to sort the voices out, but it had become a crazy garble of confusion. In the midst of the chaos, she manages to hear a few conversations.  
  
I gave you my music, made your song take wing.  
  
Angel of Darkness, cease this torment!  
  
Angel of Music, guide or guardian.  
  
How I love my coat of many colors.  
  
Prima Donna your song shall live again!  
  
O traditori!!!!  
  
He's here, the Phantom of the Opera!  
  
Up, Up, Up to the Heavyside Layer!  
  
The dreams of our dear brother are the decade's biggest yawn.  
  
Kat listens to the frenzy in her head until it is unbearable. She screams in pain.  
  
Silence.  
  
"Oh.my.God." Kat breathes. "I've been dreaming." Kat looks down at the book she is holding and quickly drops it. "What a dream, I think I had better go to bed." She pauses, making sure there are no more voices. "Nope, I'm normal."  
  
Kat! You have awoken!  
  
Kat cries, "Oh no! Not you again! Please, just go away! I don't want to write anymore!"  
  
But-  
  
"No! No more!" Kat screams, flinging herself away from the computer. She runs from the room. Suddenly, the phone rings.  
  
Kat looks suspiciously at it. Finally, on the sixth ring, she decides it is safe to answer it.  
  
"H-Hello?" she answers.  
  
"Hey babe. How's my angel of music?"  
  
"Erik," Kat sighs. "Why are you calling me so early?"  
  
"Early, chick? Are you kidding?"  
  
Kat replies, "Look, honey, I just got no sleep the past few hours and I need to rest with what bit of night is left."  
  
Erik asks with concern in his voice, "Kat, are you ok? Its 10 in the morning. See that bright yellow stuff? Its called sunlight. I had called to see if you wanted to see a movie, but I think you better rest. We can go out tonight."  
  
Kat looks out the window. Sure enough, sunlight is streaming through the pane. "Sounds good to me, Erik. See you later."  
  
"Sweet dreams, ma petite angel."  
  
Smiling, Kat hangs up the phone, then falls over in a deep sleep.  
  
Are you sure you don't want to write? I have an excellent idea, and I just don't think it can wait.  
  
Kat's eyes fly open, then turning over, she closes them again and mumbles, "MMmmmm."  
  
Translation: Get the hell out of here or I will sick Erik and the Punjab Lasso on you and your freakin a-musing days will be over.  
  
THE END  
  
I hope you enjoyed reading this, I seriously had no idea where it was going. R&R! Love, Kat 


End file.
